(originally posted on my CaringBridge page on 1/9/13)
A feisty little southern accent is spinning through my head right now as Scarlett O’Hara’s favorite quote repeats in my head: “I can’t think about that right now . . . I’ll think about that tomorrow.”
My best practice in procrastination always came when preparing for exams in subjects I had little to no interest in. My golden study rule went something like: Avoid. Avoid. Avoid. That was until, of course, the night before test day when I would Cram. Cram. Cram.
Tonight I felt that urge to take a crash course in chemo . . . perseverating on likely side effects to the hoped-for trial drug . . . and standard medication that will become my life for the next 20-22 weeks. Things like kidney failure, liver failure, heart failure, thrombosis . . . all cramming in my brain.
I laughed out loud thinking of Scarlett and how apropos her famous line was to my situation right now. It’s not as if I need Vivien Leigh’s memorized script from Gone with the Wind to remind me of God’s Word. My 10-year old son, Colby periodically started placing encouragement for me to look at on my bathroom mirror. This wise young man placed the scripture Matthew 6:34 most recently on that mirror. “Never worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Let’s be honest here . . . this is not a favorite subject I wish to master through cramming the night before—in nervous anticipation of an exam. The results of this “test” will not be measured by how well I hold on to researching the details, but instead, how well I let go of the details and let God determine the outcome.
So let’s hear Nicole’s best Scarlett one more time . . . “I can’t think about that right now . . . I’ll think about that tomorrow.”